Friday 31st July 2020
3lb off this morning. You would think this would lift my spirits, apparently not. Today, I am experiencing pure unadulterated rage. For no apparent reason. I feel absolutely furious, with everyone and everything. The husband makes the mistake of trying to have a conversation with me and I bite his head off. There is absolutely no reason for this horrific mood.
Later in the morning, when I’m scrolling through my emails, I see one aptly titled, “why are you so angry?” Am I being spied on? I must read this at once. It’s from an app I downloaded to do with the menopause (I like to to be up to speed with these things) surprise surprise, irrational anger is another common side effect. I read through some of the people’s experiences, one woman got angry at her dinner once and told it to fuck off, I really do understand.
I go to the kitchen to make lunch, I’m dropping everything and it’s all going wrong, I start slamming things around, how there were no breakages, I’ll never know.
I resist the temptation to open a bottle of wine, telling myself if I start drinking now, I will run out of alcohol, this scares me enough to keep me sober until the working day is over. I get in the garden, feeling a lot calmer. I’ve made it through the day, I didn’t break anything or anyone, what more could I have hoped for.
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2020-07-31 14:20:00