Overthinking leads to my ego shrinking

Sunday 21st February 2021

My old friend Anxiety has returned this week, I mean it’s always there, but this week it was pretty relentless, bringing me to tears on more than one occasion. Anxiety didn’t come alone though, oh no, he brought a friend called self loathing. Great.

Now I’m at the end of the week, chilling in the armchair with time to reflect, I can see that a lot of this week has been wasted. Wasted on worrying about things that might never happen, wasted on hating myself, thinking how I should have dealt with situations differently, ate or drank differently and thinking of how this wasn’t how I planned my life to be, not in a self pitying way, more of an angry at myself way. Although, in hindsight I haven’t really had a “life plan” in over 10 years and that one was well and truly scrapped, so I’m not really sure what I’m getting my knickers in a twist about.

I spoke to the bestie on Thursday and really offloaded, I hadn’t meant to, it was like everything bubbled over and I couldn’t contain it any more. As usual she was amazing and I felt so much better. Afterwards I had a bit of an epiphany. If she had come to me saying the things I had said to her, what would I say/do? So that is the stance going forward. Every time I speak badly to myself, I am going to think what would I say to the bestie if she said these things to me? I certainly wouldn’t speak to her the way I speak to myself.

I was so glad when the weekend arrived, my mind + a busy work week was making my head spin. The husband and I have really chilled and today I am going to do some batch cooking so I am prepared for the week!