No spring in my step

Monday 1st March 2021

Spring is here, it’s the season of new beginnings and I for one plan to make some positive changes.

I started last week off optimistic. I’d set myself a few workouts for the week and started the week off well, I was even feeling optimistic about Boris’s announcement. So optimistic that I booked some tables in a beer garden for Easter Sunday, a week after my 40th, surely we would all be allowed out by then?
Needless to say, I felt deflated after the announcement, we also had to push the holiday we had booked back a couple of days, still unsure if it’s going to go ahead, but we knew this when we booked it. I felt really depressed. I am well aware in the grand scheme of things that this is so unimportant and that there are far worse things going on in the world, but for some reason I had convinced myself that Easter weekend was where we would see changes, so whilst everyone seemed happy about the announcement, I felt cheated, I’m really not sure how much more my mental health can take.
I spoke to some friends and they managed to talk some sense into me and I did some rearranging of the beer garden plans.
Spurred on by the positivity from my friends, I decided to make myself a happy playlist of all the songs that lift my mood and give me a boost and I would listen to this in the mornings when I’m doing exercise or making breakfast to set the mood for the day.

It was the husbands birthday , I cooked him his favourite food, ordered his favourite drinks and we watched one of his favourite films. He’s not really that bothered about birthdays but I did my best to make it as enjoyable as possible in these circumstances.

I’d ordered a dress in the sale and it arrived on Thursday. I used to be so excited when new clothes arrived, ripping the package open and rushing upstairs to try them on. Now I leave the item on the sofa for a few days until I feel mentally strong enough to take the rejection if it doesn’t fit, which is the case more often than not. I plucked up the courage on Saturday and surprise surprise, it didn’t fit. I mean I got it on, but it clung in all the wrong places, I looked like I was trying to wear a child’s outfit.
I took a deep breathe and told myself that I was not giving up, that I will change and I just have to be patient and keep going. It wasn’t great that the dress didn’t fit, but I had picked the right time to try it on and I didn’t feel like hitting the fuck it button.

2021-03-01 16:55:00

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