From HRT to HTML – Confessions of a Peri-preneur

Hello lovelies,

You may have noticed my absence over the last couple of weeks. Not only have I been busy working on re-launching my business, but I have also been on another trip through perimenopause hell. Let’s talk about that first.

After starting HRT back in September, I spoke to my doctor in January, after the initial three months. I explained that I had started off feeling better but then began to feel “off” again.  I conceded that this could have been because I have found the Christmas period increasingly difficult over the last few years.

We agreed that I would stay on the same dose of 2 pumps of oestrogen gel per day and 200mg of progesterone for ten days of the month. After a month of that increased dose, once again, I started to feel increasingly worse.

After much debating with myself, I spoke with my doctor again, and she increased my dose to 3 pumps of oestrogen gel a day, keeping the progesterone the same. Again, initially, I felt better but then started to spiral with the same issues. 

Dramatic mood swings, which were 80% low. I cry 4 or 5 times throughout the day. There doesn’t need to be a reason. Sometimes, I cry within minutes of waking up. Some days start like this, and then in the afternoon, I feel better. I wonder why I felt so sad and miserable a few hours ago.

The month is sprinkled with that 20% of good days where I feel like the old me. Some of these days, I feel like I could conquer the world! These days are fantastic. I practically live for them, and when they come around, I try to make the most of them. But they also make the bad days feel so much worse because there is such a contrast. It is like I am two different people, and some days, that change in mood can switch during lunchtime.

I’m now two months into my increased dose, wondering if I should wait another month because I’ve been told that it can take up to three months to kick in or call my doctor. In all honesty, I am not sure if I can take another month off this.

The problem I have is that a part of me is worried that I will be dismissed. This is the sixth doctor I have spoken with about perimenopause, and although she has been fantastic, the sting from all the other doctors is lingering. I almost feel that if I “behave myself” and “follow the rules” by waiting three months, I have more chance of being listened to.

As I write this out, it sounds ridiculous, and if this were a friend of mine, I would be telling them to pick up that phone, so why aren’t I? Why is the need to not be a bother to my doctor more important than my sanity? Why do I need to find the answers to my problems in places like Reddit or at least find solutions I can suggest to my doctor? 

I’ve realised that I no longer blindly trust the medical system as I once did. I feel that they have failed me terribly in the last six years, especially as it’s now common knowledge that women’s health, in particular, has been, shall we say, “not a priority. I know that’s putting it lightly, but I don’t want to awaken the perimenopause beast while she is sleeping – she is a bitch to settle down.

At the moment, I am precariously riding the good mood wave, and I am hopeful that this will continue because right now, I need the confidence and motivation to finish my website. This brings me nicely to the relaunch of my business.

I’ve been planning to update my website since before my birthday at the end of March. The plan was to get cracking when I got back from New York after the Easter weekend, and I did. But fear, life and the peri monster have made this more difficult than it needed to be.

A couple of weeks ago, whilst once again sailing the good mood ship,  I was reading a newsletter I subscribe to and saw a section asking for women who had left the corporate world behind to set up their own businesses and are struggling with a “corporate hangover”. Ding ding ding! 

There was an email address to contact a lady called Felice Ayling, a Content and Confidence coach if you were interested in helping her with some research. It felt like the universe was again talking to me, so I emailed Felice. I could combine two things I enjoy: helping others and sharing my experiences.

We scheduled a 45-minute call for the following week. I’m really getting the hang of this Zoom business with strangers now, so I didn’t feel nervous at all, especially as this was more about me helping someone else rather than someone helping me.

Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, on the day of the call, my good mood was long gone, but because this was about helping someone else, there was no way I was going to let them down by asking to reschedule. So I cleaned myself up as best I could, hoping my eyes weren’t too puffy from all the unnecessary crying I had been doing, put on my big girl pants and dialled in.

Felice was lovely. We spoke about my time in banking and why and how I left the banking industry. She then began asking me questions about my business and what I struggled with, and before I knew it, a call that I thought was about helping someone else turned into someone helping me. 

Our 45-minute call went on for over an hour, and I came away with so many positive takeaways, a renewed sense of motivation and a reminder of just how wonderful some people are. Felice not only followed up with several useful links but also gave me some accountability by promising to follow up with me on my website progress at the beginning of the following week.

This call was definitely a pivotal moment for me. That week, not only did I push myself through the peri pain, but I also felt a renewed sense of confidence and purpose. Plus, I had now told someone what I was doing, so I was more invested in getting my website finished.

I finished the content by Friday, even giving myself the afternoon off and was excited to get it all online over the weekend. I felt so pleased with myself. That was until I was reminded of one small detail.

I’m not a f*cking web designer.

So, on Saturday, whilst I was excitedly using some new web templates, where I was copying and pasting my content, it was time for the grand preview of my website.

It was all wrong. The colours only matched on some pages, meaning some were pink and matched my logo, and others were royal blue, and the text looked different in different sections. It just looked horrible. I was off to the theatre that night,  so I knew it would have to wait until the following day. I hoped to sort it out the following day once I’d had a much-needed break from my laptop. 

On Sunday, feeling slightly hungover, I spent the entire day trying to figure out how to make it better. Eventually, I worked out what I needed to do to get everything looking how it should be. I closed my laptop around midnight and still had a few pages to add. 

It took me most of Monday to get that all finished before I could move on to the next phase. Creating my new form for my potential clients to complete. I hadn’t quite accounted for just how long this would take. As I wrote the questions, I realised that my web content needed to be updated again.

By Thursday night, I knew I had to finish one thing at a time, so I persevered with my form, knowing I just needed to publish the bloody thing and make the updates after. 

So, at the time of writing, I am finishing the final pages of my form, which is complex to create, so that it’s not complex for my clients to complete. Then I just need to add all my links to the pages and give it a once over – I hope. 

True to her word, Felice checked in with me at the beginning of the week. Speaking with her made me realise that there are a few things I need to do differently now I work for myself.

I want to start with a business accountability buddy or group. I need someone or a group of people who will hold me accountable for my weekly business goals, and I will do the same for them! Any takers??? Tanya, I am looking at you!

I also need to do something I thought I would never do. I need to network (god, I hate that word!!) I am a sociable person, but I have been hiding myself away wherever possible, and that has to stop. So, speaking with and meeting with (Yikes!!) other business owners is a priority on my to-do list. 

Once my website is up and running, I can get back to my regular blogging schedule and even update my blog website now I have an idea of what I am doing! Hopefully, it will be easier the second time around! But of course, one step at a time.

If you want to learn more about what Felice does, check out her website here. ❤️ 

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