Wednesday 18th November 2020
Some positive shit happened today, so I must write it down!
I woke up with Veronica in my ear, trying to convince me that I should lay in bed and go for a walk later. I ignored her and went anyway.
Work was really busy this morning. The husband made the mistake of asking me if I was ok, which led to me having a full on blub. He took me away from my desk, sat me down on the sofa and gave me a cuddle. I did feel better after.
I had a counselling session at 12pm, it feels like I’m going to a friends now.
I unload all of my thoughts and feelings from the past two weeks, as I was too ill to go last week. We discuss the vicious circle I find myself in, getting angry, crying and then feeling guilty. Round and round I go. We talk more about self care, how I need to be more accepting of things, however they turn out and how putting myself first and putting boundaries in place is not selfish and not anything to feel guilty about. One thing she said in particular resonated with me. If am happier within myself that will in turn benefit others. I don’t need to be people pleasing others all the time.
It was then that I decided I wanted to go back to my 121 coaching with Kristy. It’s something I enjoyed, it benefits me massively and I think it will be great to have that focus and accountability again, I do really miss it. It’s something I’d been thinking about for a bit, but I wanted to discuss it first.
Kristy had actually checked in with me the previous day, she knew my reasons for taking a break and just wanted to see how I was. In between her full time teaching job, renovating her new house, her MYF group and her 121 clients she was still thinking of others.
I had originally thought about starting back again in the new year, but now is perfect. I’m in a good frame of mind with my eating and my drinking, so who better than to keep me on the right track and give me some focus. So I’m now starting back on Monday and I’m really excited.
At this point, I would be planning “the final binge” that thing I do before starting any diet/weight loss attempt. Not this time, that just shows how much I have already learnt. I’ve been doing the final binge for a good 15 years and now I finally realise I don’t need to. I know I can still have ice cream, chocolate, alcohol & all those things that I would force feed myself the day before starting something, I don’t need to eat them all like I’m never going to eat them again. Nope. Sunday is for my call with Kristy and planning our upcoming weeks together
2020-11-18 12:42:00
