I always struggle at this time of year.
Christmas is coming and there is always a lot to think about. As much as I would love to enjoy the festive season as I once did, I just don’t anymore. It always feels like I need to be in a thousand different places at once and it serves as a reminder of all the people that are no longer here.
I spend more time worrying and stressing over one day, which is usually over in the blink of an eye and after speaking with some of my friends, I know that a lot of them feel the same.
I also spent a lot of time in November putting pressure on myself to do more, more self-care, more exercise, more healthy eating, more writing, more keeping on top of the house, more looking after the husband, more work on my freelance business, more blog posts, more time with friends, more time with family, more time with Toby. MORE MORE MORE.
Social Media constantly tells me to get up at 5 am, learn, walk, run, lift, read, hustle, rest, don’t give up, set goals, meditate, forgive, breathe, eat healthily, drink water, be kind to yourself, think positive, get a good nights sleep, be thankful.
I just wanted to put my hands over my ears and scream.
I got to a point where I couldn’t give anymore to anything and I spent the last few days of November exhausted. My body was an anxious mess, wound so tight it felt like my body would never feel relaxed again. My back was aching constantly and whenever there was a brief moment of relief from the pain, the moment I noticed it, it came back, along with a thousand thoughts whizzing around my head.
I quickly realised that keeping all the plates spinning was simply not achievable. I began to ask myself some serious questions about how important these things actually were.
Firstly, did I really need to post a blog every single day? Was anyone even reading my posts? I decided that rather than sit and write a post that no one was particularly interested in, I would ask my readers what they wanted to see. Hence the survey
Then I realised that I hadn’t established any boundaries in my working life. I wasn’t giving myself set hours to work and therefore, I was never really switching off, spending a lot of the day in the sanctuary, which was feeling like anything but a sanctuary. So I decided to book my working hours into my calendar.
On the flip side, I also realised that I need to have some flexibility in the way I work. Did I really need to shut myself away alone? Sometimes, it’s perfectly ok to work from the sofa or even from my bed if the mood strikes, surely that’s one of the advantages of working for myself from home?
Making these small re-adjustments is helping me to loosen up a little and release some of the pressure I’ve been putting on myself. I can’t control everything, as much as the control freak in me would like to, but taking control of the things I can, does ease the pain and pressure somewhat.
I just need to remember every day is different, some days I may well be able to get up at 5 am, learn, walk, run, lift, read, hustle, rest, set goals, meditate, forgive, breathe, eat healthily, drink water, be kind to yourself, think positive, get a good nights sleep and be thankful.
On other days I’ll only be able to do one or two of those things and on some days nothing at all and that is ok. The thing I have to learn is to be able to accept that. Instead of punishing myself for the 2 things out of,10 I didn’t get done, I should be congratulating myself on the 8 out of 10 things I did get done.
And guess what, if I can’t get any of those 10 things done, Rather than tell myself I am “lazy” or “useless” or whatever else I decide to label myself as, I should think about why I haven’t been able to get anything done and review how I plan my time or rest, as and when I need to.
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