It was 9:30 a.m. on a Saturday, and I had just woken up. Wow! And I didn’t want to cry!!!
I grabbed my laptop and sat downstairs with a cup of tea, thankful that we now had milk! I had a productive morning and decided to take a break and see how the husband was feeling.
He wasn’t well and had decided not to take the kids to the football match that day as planned. I had been quite looking forward to having a few hours to myself but never mind, I had a few bits I could be getting on with whilst they watched the game on the TV this afternoon instead.
Unfortunately, my day didn’t go quite as planned and I ended up spending my entire day in bed. The tears I had been so proudly keeping at bay came thick and fast and I found myself feeling deeply depressed.
I felt so exhausted, questioning every thought and feeling I had, was it real? Was it my hormones? Am I tired? Am I being irrational? I felt lost and alone. I realised that there wasn’t much I could do apart from continuing to put one foot in front of the other and try not to fall, I feared that if I fell, I wouldn’t get back up again.
I spent the Sunday feeling drained, I didn’t have the energy to get dressed, let alone leave the house to go out for dinner with the husband and the kids, so I let them go off without me and my black cloud, Why ruin everyone’s day?
Once they were gone and I was alone, I forced myself into the bath. I felt so much better after. I made myself some dinner and sat in front of the TV to watch a film and crossed my fingers that things would now turn around.
On Monday morning I slept through my alarm. I realised the bed was empty beside me so I checked the time, it was 7:30 am where on earth was the husband? I tiptoed downstairs wondering if he had fallen asleep in his chair and was stunned to find him at his desk working, it was rare for him to be up before me.
I snuggled in my chair with a cup of tea, feeling better, I didn’t know why, I didn’t question it, I just wanted to make the most of not being sad. I got myself dressed for the day and managed to get lots done. I started the first draft of a new copywriting project I had initially been anxious about, but as I started doing the work the anxiety disappeared.
I finished work earlier than planned and took myself into the garden to try and finish reading my book. I was so thankful to feel like life was on the up. I decided to check my emails, there was one from my private healthcare. I assumed this was to schedule my face-to-face appointment, so I quickly opened it.
It was not.
It was an email telling me they had declined my appointment due to exclusions on my plan. WTF?! The doctor checked the exclusions whilst on the call, and he said there weren’t any applicable.
The rage that I had been having a much-needed break from swiftly returned like it had been waiting for this very thing.
I told the husband, who had now unwittingly thought he had taken a seat next to the happy version of me. Before he could respond to my ranting, I began reading through the exclusions on my plan and the only relevant one I could find referred to menopause TREATMENT. Since when had that even been mentioned? I don’t even know if it is menopause yet because no one will tell me.
I called them up and went through the poxy “press 1” robotic system giving the whole the whole spiel about “did you know you can do this online” BS. My rage was building at an alarming rate as I loudly muttered “If I could do it on-f*cking-line I bloody would!!”
A woman eventually answers and I try to calmly explain my issue, She then just repeats back to me what was written in the email, the one I have just read a thousand times and have opened in front of me. If my eyes could have rolled out of my head they would.
I go on to explain that I wasn’t asking for treatment but to be assessed by a GP face to face. She put me on hold briefly to speak to a doctor and when she returned said that as the referral letter mentioned perimenopause, it’s an exclusion from my plan. I begin to wonder if my head has exploded, it certainly felt that way.
I explained to her that the exclusion on my plan refers to “treatment” for menopause and that the referral letter says that I need a face-to-face assessment and if no other issues are found, then I will need to discuss managing perimenopause. She tells me a doctor will call me back.
I received a phone call shortly after from the same woman saying the doctor would not be calling me and my request had been declined! Basically, f*ck off.
ENOUGH!
I read her the wording on the documents I have in front of me, speaking over her as she repeats the same line for the millionth time and she calmly asks me to send an email over to them with the documents, THE DOCUMENTS THEY SENT TO ME THAT ARE ON THEIR SYSTEM. She told me that she would raise a complaint on my behalf.
I know it’s not her fault but she is the only representative of the company available to me, seeing as the doctors or anyone of any standing refuses to speak to me, so whilst I wasn’t rude to her, it is very clear that I am p1ssed off.
I spend time putting together a strongly worded email and after sending it, I continue my rant to the husband. I pay money I don’t really have for this private healthcare and both times I have tried to use it, I have been given the brush off. I am furious and decided that as my plan is up for renewal next month, I will not be renewing.
I am so angry at having medical “professionals” continuously shrug their shoulders at me. I have seen my blood test results and there are several anomalies I would expect a doctor to run through them with me and explain what they are, ESPECIALLY when I am paying for the service.
I am sick to death of being made to feel like I am being “a pain” for wanting to know what is wrong with me. I’ve spent so long now not wanting to “bother” the doctors and reading, books and articles online to try and make sense of it all. I am just fumbling around blindly in the dark and I am suffering, the husband is suffering and I don’t want or deserve to feel like this anymore.
The only plus side to all of this is now I am fuelled by rage and the more I am brushed off and ignored the more I want to fight. It shouldn’t be like this!!
I decided that I was just going to guess that it was Perimenopause, seeing as the doctors didn’t want to tell me anything different. I spent the rest of the evening looking into menopause specialists. I need to speak to someone, but the cost is expensive. I tell myself that I can use the money I will be saving by cancelling my private healthcare.
I go through the many menopause apps I have on my phone, one being Peppy, which ironically I get as part of my healthcare. I’ve been on there many times and they have lots of useful tools on there. Then I saw something I hadn’t seen before “Book a 1-1 consultation with one of our experts”
Are you f*cking kidding me? I have spoken to 2 different doctors, a customer service agent and god knows how many people via email and not one of them has mentioned that I can speak to a menopause specialist via this app. They have referred me to it for “resources” but never mentioned any experts. I did not know it was possible to feel this amount of rage and disbelief.
By the time I run out of steam, it’s almost 9 p.m., and my one calm evening in 6 weeks is ruined.
2023-09-04 14:11:00
