Festive Limbo

Monday 27th December 2021

Christmas has been and gone. I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled to find the words to put down.
It’s not like there haven’t been things to write about, more that I struggle to write about those things.

I always had the most magical christmases as a child and up until about 10 years ago I always really loved Christmas.
I was talking about it with the husband recently, he said he was about the same age when he stopped enjoying it as much and it got me thinking about what had changed to make me feel this way.

On Christmas morning I was up first, which is usual in my house. I woke up feeling a bit sad, we had had my friend funeral the day before Christmas Eve so that was still on my mind but it wasn’t just her I was mourning, it felt like I was mourning the christmases of the years gone by.
When I hear Christmas songs and watch Christmas films, my instant memories are from childhood and although they are good memories, for some reason it makes me really sad.
I feel like I don’t really have any traditions or memories of my own. The husband and I always used to go to the southbank after work at Christmas but these last couple of years it hasn’t happened because of COVID.
I decided that, rather than avoid the memories, I would embrace them and watch something that I used to watch as a child. I put on Mickeys Christmas Carol and then I remembered another cartoon I watched called The Devil & Daniel Mouse, so I found that on YouTube, then I put on some Christmas music.
I found this quite comforting and allowed myself to remember what it used to be like and what I loved about it.

We were at my parents for Christmas Day and my two year old niece was there. She made the day totally magical for all of us and for a split second I thought about what having a child might be like, but then I remembered a child is for life and not just for Christmas and normal service resumed in my head!

I like the idea of going away for Christmas more and more each year and it’s something the husband and I have discussed about doing in the future.

Now we are in the limbo between Christmas and new year, I quite enjoy it, as I usually work in between Christmas and new year so any days off at home, with no plans are a belated Christmas gift to me! Although I find myself finding things for myself to do around the house and then reminding myself that I don’t get many days to just sit on my arse and do nothing!

I am going to avoid making New Years resolutions this year and instead think about what I want to leave in 2021 and what I want for myself in 2022.