Birthday Bleugh

The husband decided to provide some feedback on my last block post. To summarise, he didn’t like how I had tried to condense what I was trying to say, he said it felt rushed and didn’t have the same personality as my usual blog posts. I wouldn’t mind, but that blog post took me bloody ages, not to write, but to edit and condense so that people didn’t get bored with my ramblings. So now, you have him to thank if this post turns out to be too long 🙂

The birthday was celebrated a bit too much at the weekend. I spent my actual birthday feeling a bit pissed off with myself for not being spritely enough to do anything and cancelling the plans that I had with the husband. I couldn’t wait for Monday, when I would feel back to normal on again.

If anything, I felt worse on Monday. I’ve had many a moody Monday in my time, but I don’t quite recall one this severe. I woke up tearful and unmotivated. Self deprecating thoughts flying about my brain, thinking of all the things I could have and should have done the day before, of all the things I needed to do today. I was supposed to finish my newsletter today, I just wanted to stay in bed feeling sorry for myself. My misery only magnified as a couple of days ago, I was on top of the world, it’s like I have used up all my serotonin.

Someone was happy though, that devil voice in my head, Veronica thought all her Christmases has come at once.

Positive me was still in there somewhere though (we need a name for her) and she was fighting to get through

“Just do your SAVERS, you’ll feel better” I could hear her faintly say.

Hmm, my SAVERS have been working for me, laying around feeling sorry for myself has never worked for me….

“Come on Clare, just go in the sanctuary and do one thing”

I took myself in the sanctuary and before I knew it my SAVERS were complete.

Ok, so I didn’t feel like a new woman, but I didn’t want to get back in bed and throw the covers over my head.

Positive me, who I imagined was sat on Veronica to stop her misery seeping out, is now encouraged and suggesting I go for a walk.

“What like actually get dressed and leave the house?”

“Yes, fresh air would do you good, you could even get some crusty rolls for lunch, you like those”

“I do like those”

“CHOCOLATE” shouts Veronica as she briefly escapes positive me’s clutches.

Before I know it, I’m getting dressed and off to the shops.

When I return and have eaten the crusty rolls (and chocolate, I’m all about compromise) I decide that to have an afternoon nap. I wake up feeling loads better, so much so, that I head back up to the sanctuary to finish my newsletter. SAVERS has saved the day, roll on tomorrow.

Tuesday, was worse.

I was rudely  awoken at ridiculous o’clock by a loud cement lorry and builders working on the house directly opposite. Toby, also unimpressed by the loud noises, was cowering in the hallway. Little did he know, his day was about to get worse he had to go to the vets this morning for his yearly jabs. I just hoped I could get him in his carry bag without him shredding me to ribbons.

I felt really groggy, even after my shower and when I put an unsuspecting Toby in his bag, he is yowling like he’s on his way to be put down, I gather my things to leave and look out the window and see that the bin lorry is now parked across our drive, just as I am about to leave for the vets. I cannot write the words that left my mouth here, lets just say they were not complimentary. I was now going to be late, Toby was going to miss his jabs, it’s going to be a terrible day.

By the time I had finished “complimenting” the lorry dwellers outside, both lorry’s simultaneously moved, parting like the Red Sea. I picked up Toby’s bag whilst he scrambled around frantically trying to escape. I put his bag on the passenger seat and drove to the vets. Poor Toby, now even more confused as I flit between sounding like the exorcist, berating everyone who has ever crossed my path and Mary Poppins as I try to soothe him and tell him he’s a good boy.

I am relieved to find the waiting room at the vets empty, but it seems my good fortune is short lived as a woman enters with her dog. Now I love dogs, but this one would not shut the fuck up, my poor Toby was burying his head in the corner of his carry bag. I stroked him through the netting of the bag, whilst glaring out of the window, not trusting myself to look in the direction of the woman and her attention seeking dog, they would not be getting any Mary Poppins out of me.

I decided to seek the love and support of the husband, I sent him a message, telling him all about my terrible morning so far, he swiftly replied.

“Breathe ”

That was his actual response, Yoga emoji and all. Jeez, I wish I had thought of that.

I explain that I am finding that quite difficult and how hopefully the very noisy people near our house will have departed by the time I return (this is the polite version of my actual message, as I am sure you can imagine)

We were then called in for Toby’s jabs just as a response came through, I would have to  read it after.

I’m not sure what sort of response I was expecting from the husband, maybe “I’ll get you a tea ready for when you get home.” No response at all would have been better than what I actually saw when I opened my messages.

“You’re creating a catastrophe out of very minor events”

HELLO?! Don’t you think I know that? That is what I do! It is who I am? Why on earth would you actually say it?? I think the steam coming out of my ears stripped the paint from the walls as I walked out.

That wasn’t my response though, I simply thanked him for his help and told him I would be home shortly. The exorcist would be home very very shortly.*

When I returned home, the noisy people were gone and the short drive home had given me time to cry and calm down.

I was still feeling pretty shit though. I cancelled my lunch plans for the day and evening plans for the following day as I tried desperately to salvage my mood. Encouraged from the day before, I headed to the sanctuary to complete my SAVERS and do some writing. I managed to pull myself out of the hole for the second day in a row.

The day turned around even further, when the husband received a message from the painter, he’ had a second opinion on his arm and was able to come back to work. We booked him straight in for the following day.

I settled down that evening to catch up on MAFSA, having finished season 5, I needed to get back on top of who was who in season 9. If you haven’t watched Tuesday nights, or are n not watching at all, you may wish to skip the next couple of sentences.

Can we just discuss Olivia please. WTAF. I mean, I’m not hating it, in fact, I can quite identify with the whole going from “I was bullied and fat” to “Oh no ho you didn’t” it has Exorcist/Mary Poppins vibes. She has even dressed in character, with the outfit and make up, although after watching the preview for Wednesday nights episode, I think she went a little far with the whole “she waved a broken glass in my face” I mean, I get what shes trying to do here, but you are on camera luv and the camera don’t lie.

Where has this new Olivia come from? Do we think Dom deserves it?

Wednesday has been a MUCH better day. I had to get up earlier, because the painter was coming early so my SAVERS were done early, I had an appointment to go to at 11, so I got myself out of the house for a bit and spent the afternoon working on my next newsletter and this blog post. No tears, no meltdowns and barely any swearing. We have rescheduled the birthday celebrations to Friday and booked tickets to the Titanic Exhibition in London.

Lets the good mood continue.

*I can confirm to you all, that the husband is still alive and was not harmed during the events of this blog post.

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2022-03-31 07:00:00

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