Woman down!

Wednesday 9th February

It’s not been a great week. I’ve been really unwell, with god knows what.
After feeling a bit ropey on Wednesday, Thursday wasn’t any better, it was spent in bed catching up on TV. Once the husband finished work, I took myself downstairs, cooked us some dinner and we sat down to watch a film.
Does anyone else’s husband decide to randomly do stuff just as you put a film on? I swear to god, every damn time. We spend a good 30 minutes deciding on a film, then he has to get up and quickly do something like change the lighting or sound system just as the film is starting!

Friday, I wake up at 2am feeling like I have razor blades in my throat, well this isn’t ideal. I’ve had my two days, I should be feeling better now, not worse! I tell myself I just need a bit more sleep and I’ll be fine, I have a counselling session at 9am, I’m meeting my friend for lunch and the bestie invited me over in the evening, I don’t have time to be ill again today.
At 5am I wake up drenched in sweat. Oh dear, this isn’t good at all. I decide that I should get up and get a lemsip down me. I’m chatting to my friend Rach, who is always up early, I’m still convinced that I’m going to feel better after this.
7am and I am only getting worse, I cancel my plans, even if I did have the strength to get myself ready, it wouldn’t be fair to pass this on to anyone.
When the husband gets up, I go to speak and I sound like I’ve smoked 1000 cigarettes. Wow. Time to go back to bed.
The bestie calls me later that day to see how I am and my voice is worse than it was that morning. Seriously, wtf is this? The husband is out for a few drinks tonight so I put myself to bed early with Toby, who has been consistently following me around the house but maintaining a safe distance from the germs. I go to sleep hopeful that it will turn around tomorrow.

Saturday brings the addition of earache to go with my sore throat. Great. I mean, why not? Today is worse, I can’t actually get myself out of bed. The husband is very good, bringing me lemsips and drinks, I can’t bring myself to eat though, I just want to sleep, I know if I sleep my body can repair itself.
Saturday afternoon brings another joyful addition to the game, a nice chesty cough, which wouldn’t be half as bad if my throat wasn’t already red raw, it was painful to swallow water and now I have a cough that seems to only disappear when I lie down, which is the opposite of what Dr Google is telling me to do.
It’s not all doom and gloom though, the bestie sends me a beautiful bunch of flowers to cheer me up and it really does. Surely I’ll feel better tomorrow?

No. Such. Luck.
As I lay in bed on Sunday morning, I finally realise that I MUST slow down, I can’t keep stressing myself out over things I can’t control, I must stop filling my time and start looking after myself. I never want to feel ill like this ever again. I need to have a rethink about my lifestyle, although not right now, I don’t have the strength for it, now I must rest, because if I don’t, I’m not going to get better.
The husband is still being brilliant, not only is he providing regular beverages and check ins, he’s also fixing some things on my car. I decide to stop thinking about how unwell I feel and start believing I will feel better tomorrow.

Well it almost worked. 4am wake up for the 3rd day in a row. The husband has to work today so I get up to give him a break from my hourly coughing fit, try (another) hot steamy bath and come downstairs to try and sleep. The chesty cough has now turned into a dry cough, my tonsils feel like they are coated in talcum powder and it’s really fucking annoying. I try to sleep on the sofa but I can’t seem to get warm so I take myself upstairs and get into one of the kids beds for some more sleep. Toby joins me, completely confused by my broken routine, poor sod!
When I wake up, I realise my throat is better, hallelujah let me neck a pint of water please!
I even manage to eat some food today so progress is being made.
Unfortunately, on Monday night I receive some more sad news that my relative has passed away. I spend a lot of the evening on the phone, thankful that I have my voice back.

On Tuesday, I wake up at 3am. I don’t even bother trying to get back to sleep, I come downstairs and watch some TV, I’m pretty sure I’ve completed all of Netflix now.
Me and Rach message, feel like we’ve got our own little 5am club at the moment, it’s nice to have someone to talk to though as it’s quite dark and lonely at that time.
The good news is that I’m feeling better and it’s now more of a heavy cold, one where someone occasionally shoves talcum powder down your throat, something that was done to me as a child by a girl called Hayley when were at the swimming baths once, so I feel like I can speak with authority on this matter.
When the husband gets up I get straight back into bed, if I can just catch up on my sleep then I can feel better. Rest = Repair.
No it doesn’t, apparently today, rest = despair.
Firstly, the dry cough does not like you laying down whatsoever, it’s only taken me 24 hours to realise this. I shove some pillows behind my head get my sleep mask on and force myself back into slumber, waking up feeling totally and utterly shit.
New symptom of the day is dizziness, yay. I stumble downstairs, sit in the chair and have a good old cry. The husband, who has been enjoying a rare moment of a germ free environment, makes me a cup of tea and gently reminds me that I must not stress about things out of my control.
The crying subsides and I manage to chill myself out again, more because I’m exhausted than anything else.

A whole 7 days in bed, not being able to do much of anything has probably been just what I needed, had I been well, I would never had allowed myself this time and space. I resolve to not only look after myself more physically by eating better and drinking less (no alcohol in over a week and still no desire for it) I need to look after myself mentally. I talk about this all the time, I truly do believe in it, yet I very rarely put it into practice. Now I am aware of the dire consequences of not doing this, I think I will be more mindful all round going forward.

2022-02-09 11:02:25

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