Saturday 22nd January
When I go up to bed on Tuesday night, I feel like the weight on my shoulders is lighter. I get myself in bed and do my daily gratitude, the husband comes in and asks if the power had gone out as his “vintage” alarm clock is flashing, I check my clock which is fine, when I look, it’s flashing 11:11, which is believed by some to be a message from the universe.
Despite being exhausted, sleep doesn’t want to come. My brain is whirring with ideas, the decision I have now made to have some time out has left me feeling excited about life again and unusually, instead of laying awake worrying, I am fully confident that everything is going to work out as it should.
When I do wake up on Wednesday morning, I have had 3 hours of sleep at the very most and the worry that alluded me at 4am has now decided to show up.
I am anxious about calling the doctor, I’m feeling like a fake and questioning myself again. Fortunately, the doctor has a slot available in the morning so I don’t have to sit with this all day.
The doctor is very kind and understanding and once I start talking about my situation, I say more than I had planned, the words just tumbled out. She signed me off for a few weeks, that weight felt even more lighter and by the end of the day, once I messaged my boss to tell her I had been signed off, the weight on my chest was almost gone. I have absolutely done the right thing.
I spend the evening catching up with some friends on WhatsApp and sharing my news, everyone is happy for me and wanting to make plans, by the end of the evening my diary is a lot busier and I am conscious that I must make time for myself, this break is for me to take time to breathe and think clearly about what I am going to do.
Thursday is here, I have decided to take myself off to Bluewater, I need an outfit for date night with the husband and it will do me good to get out of the house.
I’m driving along and I feel really genuinely happy, I know I want to work still, but I also know I need some time for my mind and body to heal from the stress of the last couple of years. Once I am clearer, I can start looking for a new job.
I really enjoy my couple of hours just mooching around the shops, not being in a rush to be anywhere, it’s very rare that I allow myself to be in my own head, when I cook or clean, I always have a program or podcast on, it’s like I’m afraid of my own thoughts sometimes.
For date night, the husband and I go to The Giggling Squid (if you haven’t been I highly recommend it, the food was delicious and the service was brilliant) The husband and I are chatting and he tells me some of his opinions about my blog, I also had a couple of messages from friends after my last post saying that they would love me to do a podcast, so I have decided I will put some polls on social media today, as I would really love your opinions.
