Last weekend was unexpectedly alcohol filled.
I didn’t go anywhere or do anything, I just drank at home with the husband.
On Friday he was supposed to go out with friends but that didn’t happen, so after my busy week, I joined him in a Friday night glass of wine or 3.
On Saturday I woke up feeling miserable and tired, I’d had a crap night’s sleep, no doubt because of the alcohol.
I couldn’t be bothered to do anything so I loafed around the house all day and ended the day with a takeaway and more wine.
On Sunday morning the husband went to watch his oldest play football so I decided to have a tidy up of the house, have a nice bath and do my nails before the husband took me out for a roast dinner in the evening.
We went to a new restaurant which was BYOB so we took a bottle of red wine to have with our roast beef, which was delicious.
Rather than be sensible and end the evening with that one-and-a-half glass of wine, we continued back at home sharing another bottle.
I woke up on Monday feeling like total shit, mentally, I felt all over the place and I knew I needed to sit down and make sense of what was going on in my head.
Why was I reaching for the wine and food? This was a bad habit I thought I had broken. What was I trying to hide from or numb?
After some digging around in my brain, I finally realised what was happening, I went and cried to the husband who gave me a cuddle and told me that it was perfectly normal to feel the way I do.
Just speaking about it made me feel so much better and I felt a bit annoyed with myself for not doing it sooner and trying to block it out with wine.
I dusted myself off and moved on with my week, making sure I went on morning walks and took regular breaks from working.
On Wednesday I had a counselling session and really offloaded. Lots of things that I had been wanting to speak about for ages but something else always seemed to come up.
It seems that the two things I really need to work on are self-compassion and acceptance. I know that once I can be kinder to myself, the things that bother me won’t seem such a big deal.
I left there feeling completely exhausted, I had a lump in my throat, my heart felt heavy and I wanted to cry. I had plans to see my friend in the evening and I wondered if I should go as I didn’t want to be a misery.
I did go to my friends and I was glad I did, we had a good catch and I let it all out again, but this time I felt like I let go of it.
Sometimes I feel like I walk out of a counselling session with more thoughts than I went in with! That’s not a bad thing and usually, I can deal with them myself, but this week I felt like I needed to talk it out.
I woke up on Thursday feeling exhausted, another late, wine-filled evening was not doing me any favours. I dragged myself out on another rainy walk and did some work before finally giving in to my urge to snuggle up with a blanket in front of the TV.
No wine for me as I was driving to Hereford on Friday. There is no point in me saying I will have a wine-free weekend as I know that won’t happen but I do want a much calmer week next week!
photo by Vadim Kaipov on unsplash
2022-11-19 18:45:54
