Last week I shared my June & July reflections and now we are in September I thought I would catch you up.
When I started my notes for this post, I was still in Turkey, and the feelings of hope were yet to find me. My notes began with me being pissed off because a complete stranger, a man, had the audacity to make my uterus his business.
Whilst minding my own business on the beach one morning, the hotel photographer was doing the rounds and decided to chat to me. He asked who I was on holiday with and I told him my husband and stepsons and he went into quite a lengthy speech about how it wasn’t too late for me to have children of my own.
This man, who I didn’t know from Adam, thought it was perfectly ok to tell me what to do with my body. I was so flabbergasted that I didn’t even have the words to respond to him. Which, if you’re wondering, would have been “F*CK OFF.”
Being in my perimenopause has not, as I thought it would, stopped people from speaking about my decision not to have children 🤷🏻♀️
I was having my second lymphatic drainage massage of the week later that day, and the tension must have gotten to me because this one, unlike the first, involved the masseuse cracking my neck and back, which I have to say felt good.
Being on holiday always gives me lots of space to think, but the anxiety still lingered; I couldn’t relax, and when it was time to go home, I was ready. I felt ashamed and ungrateful for feeling this way.
I returned feeling stressed and tense. I hadn’t been sleeping properly, and when I collected Toby, he must have sensed my unease as he was unsettled.
The day after we got home, I started to feel ill again, and before I knew it, I was back in bed, unable to do the simplest things. I honestly felt the lowest I have ever felt, which I didn’t think was possible.
I am so sick of wondering if it’s hormone-related or something else, and I’m fed up with not feeling myself. I’ve barely seen anyone in the last three months and feel isolated and alone.
I also needed to get better as we were going away for the weekend for my mum’s 60th birthday, and it was a surprise, so I had to get better ASAP!
Fortunately, I did start to feel a bit better. I was still exhausted, but I knew I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I had read that taking a small amount of creatine each day could help with fatigue and I ordered some supplements because at the moment I just didn’t have the energy to prepare the healthy meals I knew I needed, let alone exercise.
Because of being unwell or away, I had a six-week gap in my therapy sessions, which didn’t help matters, and at the end of August, my anxiety was at an all-time high.
When I came away from my first session back, I realised that I had been Comparing myself to others. Why was I so exhausted all of the time when other people had so much more on their plate and just got on with it?
Why am I so boring? the husband, my family and friends must feel conned because I’m not who I used to be. I’m not fun anymore.
It seemed like an endless cycle. I feel like I’m not present for my friends and family because my brain can’t seem to focus, or I am shaming myself for something in my past, worrying about something in the future, or my body is failing me in some way, shape or form.
I’m exhausted, aching, dropping things, being forgetful or simply not able to get my words out and the frustration I feel at myself and the world becomes more than I can bear!
It feels as though as soon as I put one fire out the next three get out of control and I simply don’t have the energy to keep fighting fires.
I had a call with my doctor, and we are adjusting my HRT again. In the meantime, all I can do is focus on one thing at a time.
If I start drinking more water and getting a good 7 hours uninterrupted sleep, this should them improve my energy levels, meaning I can exercise and eat better and then I will have the mental capacity to work on my business.
On a positive note, my mum’s 60th birthday surprise went really well, the husband, my brothers and my sister in law all stealthily boarded the cruise ship my dad had taken my mum on for the weekend donned wigs and t shirts spelling sixty and my dad got her to the bar we were waiting in.
She was so surprised, and we had such a fun weekend together, but I’m relieved I don’t have to keep the secret anymore 😂
In August
I am proud that I rested my body when I needed to.
I practised self-care by journalling, listing my daily gratitude and wins.
One thing I’m grateful for is an amazing group of ladies from around the world I have met in my respin group. I was fortunate enough to be selected for the BETA test group of a new menopause community founded by Halle Berry. We meet on zoom each week and I always come away from those calls feeling so much better.
One thing I want to accomplish next month is getting back into a routine.
One thing I can improve upon next month is taking one whole day off each week. I’m bringing back self-care Sunday!
What I’ve been watching
Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix
Real Housewives of New Jersey on Hayu
Love is Blind UK on Netflix
Inside Out 2 – Perimenopause seems very much like puberty on steroids, based on this!
What I’ve been reading
Caro Giles encourages readers to break free from fashion norms and wear what feels right, regardless of age or occasion. She highlights the joy and freedom that come with dressing authentically.
This article from The Good Trade introduces the idea of a “Sunday Reset” to help you start the week feeling refreshed and organised. Instead of dreading Mondays, turn your Sundays into a day of self-care and preparation. With simple tips for tidying up, planning your week, and taking time for yourself, this guide shows you how to make Sundays the perfect way to reset and recharge.
I was recommended this article by Brené Brown. It talks about the “midlife unravelling,” when many of us feel lost or stuck. Instead of seeing it as a crisis, she frames it as an opportunity to grow by letting go of outdated beliefs and expectations. If you’re going through a midlife shift, this piece is a comforting reminder that it’s all part of the journey.
Get Well Stay Well by Gemma Newman
I’m reading this book as part of my online book club and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. It’s easy to read with lots of useful tips to improve your life in simple ways.
What I’m listening to
The Let Them Theory – The Mel Robbins Podcast
You may have seen the “Let Them” clips doing the rounds, here’s the full podcast from Mel Robbins and personally I feel called out!!
Final Thought
We did an exercise as part of our respin group, and we were asked to write down answers to the questions posed.
It’s funny how sometimes our most genuine feelings come to the surface when we don’t have much time to think.
That exercise made me realise that what I really want out of life is just peace. Simple as that. And honestly, I think that says a lot.
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